miraclewhip | (for cryptsleeper)

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(for cryptsleeper)

[ He remembers- maybe about half of what happened last night. A little more, perhaps. He remembers the comments that initiated the fight. Vaguely remembers being dragged back to the inn. Remembers throwing cold water on his face to wake himself up to do the terrible fucking job of stitching himself back up that he found himself with this morning (if there was ever a chance to keep that fucking cut from scarring, well, he's gone and botched it).

And he remembers telling the fucking vampire things that he probably should not have told the fucking vampire. He doesn't remember the specifics but he knows that he said too much. More than he's told anyone in a decade maybe. All for the sake of a petty victory that he doesn't even remember if he achieved.

He's uncharacteristically quiet today, even for being as hungover as he is. He forces the almost-solid porridge down his throat when it's pushed in front of him. He drinks half the water that he was using to wash himself last night and pours the other half over his head to wake himself up after maybe an hour of sleep. He only interrupts Sypha's long, long 'discussion' when she stares at him for an indication that he's still awake. It's after that that he's dismissed to the back of the wagon, either because Sypha can't stand his presence right now or because she doesn't trust him not to fall off and end up tangled under its wheels.

(Can't blame her, being tangled up under the wheels of a wagon sounds better than being in his own head right now, even without the throbbing pain.)

He doesn't sleep, mostly because he's been told not to and he is, even more uncharacteristically, on his best behavior right now. The day is mostly uneventful until sometime in the afternoon, when a particularly foolish highwayman sees a wagon driven by a single speaker woman and tries to take advantage of the situation. He's driven off within moments, of course, harmlessly to both them and himself, and the worst that happens is that the horses are startled by Sypha's display and the wagon lurches to one side, knocking Trevor onto his side against the wooden floor. It's only after everything has been confirmed okay, once the horses are calm and they're moving again, that he places a hand to his lower chest. ]

Fuck.

[ It's warm. And damp. He's gone and opened his shitty stitches, hasn't he? ]

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It's fine.

[It is not fine. That's a lie as soon as the words leave his lips. And wasn't it Trevor that encouraged him to gain that skill anyway?

Alucard takes a moment more to check Trevor's burns. Just enough, and he pretends that there's something in his eyes becase it has just occurred to him that there's been tears shed for nothing more than another horrible fucking memory. There. A piece of burnt something or other flew up and he had to rub at it after checking burns. Excuse made.]

I can bring over a stool for you to sit on, at least.

[ He's still a shitty liar, even now. And Trevor knows this lie. Alucard's told it before. Sypha's told it. He's told it, more than the two of them combined. ]

If you want me out of the way, where I can't make trouble.

[ He doesn't push about helping with the meal. He's not pushing about anything. ]

Herbs're in the basket, if the soup still needs them.

No I...[Damnit. Damnit.] Stay. Please.

[It's enough to keep more thoughts away. There's someone else there, he can't let the little cracks show. So Trevor should stay. Simple as that.

He does find a stool, put away in the corner. There's plenty of good memories there, the stool was where he sat and watched his mother cook. Learned from her, because what Alucard needed to survive was such a mystery for those early days, and his need to learn to take care of himself was all too important.

He puts it down next to Trevor, a very thin and fragile smile on his face.]

If I recall, it may be a bit creaky.

Aren't we all, these last few days.

[ It is, in fact, creaky. And sized for an adult but not necessarily for a Trevor-shaped adult. He sits down very carefully, concerned about breaking it, and leans on the far more sturdy-looking work surface to put at least some of his weight onto that instead.

He sighs, fondly, looking over all of the food that was being prepared before Alucard was interrupted by his thoughts and also Trevor being stupid. ]

There are only eleven of them. Not a hundred.

[There's a very dark laugh as Alucard takes a cloth, wraps it around his own hands, and picks up the pot lid. Good. Nothing too ruined, he can tell by the smell. A decent summer vegetable soup, meant to be served cool to chase away the heat of the day.]

Plus the three of us, which makes fourteen. Anything left can go with them for their journey ahead.

[The soup's as done as it needs to be, and so Alucard lets it cool with the lid off in full. Nothing else is over boiling or doing anything that it ought not to do, which is good as far as cooking is concerned, but the rest is...ugh. Shit.

He remains at the stove for a moment or two more, the silence settling in all the awkward, uncomfortable ways. Alucard knows the other two are worried. And that makes him worry about them more. A stupid feedback loop. One that isn't about to break but he can...he can gently prod at.]

I...appreciate all of the space.

You know yourself better than we do.

[ Probably. He sometimes gets the feeling that Sypha knows the both of them better than they do themselves. But that might just be him. He's an easy guy to figure out. Alucard isn't. ]

Easier to trust you to talk when you're ready than it is to fret over whether we're needed or not.

[ We trust you to come to us when you need us isn't said in quite as many words, but it's there. ]

[Sypha has the emotional intelligence brain cells. And all the others.

As it is, there's a slight flinch at needed or not. Then a deep sigh that comes out of the deepest pit of Alucard's stomach and reverberates throughout the entire room.]

Of course you're needed that's...[that's not the impression that he's been giving off at all. He knows it.]

There's been too much worry about the whole thing as it is. [That's why I don't tell you. You don't need all the same fears.] The rest just pops up at inappropriate points.

We know. We know.

[ Bad choice of words. He's really not doing great at this 'allowing Alucard to dodge guilt over stupid, minor things' business. ]

We're going to worry no matter what. Knowing what it is we're worrying about won't make it worse.

[In fairness, Alucard's pretty sure one of this guilt's minor.]

I worry that I might give you cause to disagree with that assessment. Specifics...don't help, I've found.

[Alucard's hands rest on top of the work surface, flat. In the mornings he has used the simple act of kneading dough to give himself something to do. Anything. But now waiting for things to finish, his hands need something to fiddle with.]

The herbs. Could you check them? They look right to me, but I'm hardly a botanist.

[ It's not actually something that needs to be done. He's more than confident he picked out the right things. But this will be easier if they can pretend that periods of long silence are the result of Alucard focusing upon work and not of anything else. ]

Won't help us, or won't help you?

[The herbs do help. It's a comedy, either one of them walking around with a basket like this. Alucard when he comes back from foraging, berries or stone fruits or whatever else the forest has yielded (he doesn't fuck around with the mushrooms). It's an image complicated when he's also brought back meat and has it slung over his shoulder but...it's sillier on Trevor, somehow.

He rubs each leaf carefully, then brings his fingers up to his nose to sniff at the essential oils released. So far, so good.]

Do you want to know each and every thing brought up from the Hold, Trevor?

Not particularly.

[ No sense lying. ]

But I know what's down there. I know the shit my family made. Whatever the truth is, it can't fuck with my head any more than what I can imagine. I'm not about to force you to tell me anything. But if it would help, and if you're not talking because of some stupid shit like not wanting me to worry-

[ He shrugs. The stool creaks. ]

-then there's no fucking sense in keeping quiet.

Mm.

[Alucard's going to treat it like he's made a point, although that's grand self delusion. The herbs are fine, they're all checked, but he should strip the rosemary from the stems. Easy work. He's careful with each leaf.]

There's no words, you know. Nothing comes up. I've attempted on my own, and there's silence.

[ There's a long pause before he speaks again. When he does it is thoughtful, like he suddenly knows what to do.

Which is not always the kind of tone one wants to hear from Trevor. Whether it should be worrying or comforting is maybe a half chance each way. ]

Would you prefer to have words for it?

If I said yes, it will happen and I will regret it. If I said no, then I shall be in this particular state for too long. Any answer damns me.

[Alucard's not sure what to do with that tone. It is...suspect.]

Hmm.

[ This- this probably isn't a good time. There's maybe ten minutes before something is done cooking, at most. And then there will be guests, and- Best to wait until later. ]

Once everyone's left. Not while you're in the middle of cooking. we'll need time.

[There's a pause. And one of the longest side-eyes Alucard can recall giving Trevor, which is saying something.]

What are you on about?

Can't tell you, it would ruin it.

[ And he knows how fucking scary it must be to hear 'I have an idea' from him. So he stands, approaching Alucard and putting a hand in his hair to muss it up while he talks. Because that fixes everything, right? ]

Not going to hurt you. Not going to get hurt. Not going to make you talk if you're not ready for it. That enough for you to trust me?

You needn't ask that last question.

[It's liable to be a very sketchy idea, but Alucard has long just acceptable that he trusts both Trevor and Sypha without fail. Without question.]

Once this is done, then. Or when Sypha's back from helping them pack up, if you'd rather her be there.

[ He removes his hand from Alucard's hair. It's soft, even against his burned palms. ]

In the meantime, I'll be here if you need to put me to work. No more grabbing hot pots, though.

[There's a softer sigh as Trevor withdraws his hand. Much fonder, and perhaps tinged with disappointment that it's gone.]

Is this the kind of thing where we'd be both in trouble if she wasn't there?

[It is a very serious question. And then he snorts.]

Princeling's never been in the kitchen. Doesn't know not to grab a hot pot.

Oughtn't be. Unless it goes horribly, horribly wrong.

[ Back to normal, at least for now. And maybe he won't be able to help, and those moments of everything being wrong followed by normal again is going to be the best he can hope for. ]

I slept in the kitchen. Just never cooked in it.

Likely. So all three of us.

[Alucard smirks at that. This is...better. Comfortable. Familiar.]

And curiosity never took you to educate yourself. I don't know why that surprises me.

[And they can go on like this forever, can't they? At least until dinner is ready to be brought out, and what a true pleasure it is to have so many people in the castle, actually enjoying it. The house needs that kind of joy right now. Always has, but more than ever, it is good to have the halls echo with real contentment. ]

The cook would have had me switched if I tried touching anything but the dogs' rug.

[ It's good, to be around so many people. To squabble with Arn, both of them accusing Sypha of taking the other's side. To eat and to laugh and to say fond goodbyes. They owe the Speakers so much now, more than they could ever repay. He helps Alucard clean while Sypha helps her people bundle up the spare food for the journey and then, when all is done, just throws three cushions onto the floor in the reading room (their own room is still not quite the safe, welcoming place it ought to be. Not the right place for this, not yet). He directs Sypha to take a seat at one, a little further apart than the other two, and takes one himself, pointing Alucard to the one that remains next to him. ]

If this doesn't work, just- I don't know. Punch me or something. I'll stop.

[It is very strange to be going into a Trevor idea totally blind. In many ways, Trevor's easy to anticipate, and this is...

...new. A bit confusing, actually, and liable to end interestingly no matter what. So if for no other reasons beyond love and burning curiosity, Alucard sits.]

Your confidence stuns me.

(for cryptsleeper)

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